So, I appeared on a podcast
Now, as writers, I would hazard a guess that most (if not all) of us suffer from some form of impostor syndrome at some point. Never more so than when we are starting out and have only a handful of credits to our name.
I had this feeling in abundance recently when Alexander Reid Ross asked me to appear on his wonderful ‘Years of Lead’ podcast in order to promote the upcoming ‘Years of Lead, Words of Violence’ anthology.
His podcast is an indispensable English-language resource for those of us fascinated by the period and looking to learn more, and I am barely a writer with an interest in it. Kind of like a competition winner taking part in something that is not only out of their comfort zone but also knowledge set.
Now, I had flirted with my own film podcast a few years ago, in which I actually covered some euro crime films, but they were scripted (by me) and done over a couple of takes with dedicated research. Even so, this opportunity had my heart pounding as a little voice in my head screamed, what the bloody hell do you know? But I couldn’t say no to the opportunity. So, I said yes.
Was I nervous?
Bloody right, I was, and this feeling escalated as the time to record approached. Now, I had seen an advance copy of the script and was very familiar with the usual format, but that was with experts. Not me. Talking about how the films typically updated westerns for contemporary society, and focused on street justice and the inadequacies of the law, would not add much value to the topic.
Nor would talking about how in literature the focus was as much on the protagonist, failures within the law, and the wider societal changes.
While the inherent cynicism of modern Italian noir or the differences in how Camilleri and Sciascia covered organised crime (of relevance here is that Sciascia wrote about the Moro kidnapping) would hardly prove valuable contributions, either.
In the end, none of that mattered though as my mind went blank and I garbled unintelligible answers like at a job interview where you talk so much you forget the focus of the question.
And despite drafting out what I wanted to say to promote the anthology submission call, the whole reason I was there, I rattled out the information like a Beretta Modello 38, not to mention for talking about the subject–the Milanese gangster Renato Vallanzasca–flashbacks to when I caught a public bus in Treviso flooded my mind, where I knew what to say but just bungled it. Not to mention my only contribution was to have read reports about the gangster having a bullet lodged in his butt. What an investigative journalist I would make. Anyway back on topic and…
Composure was not a friend to me.
Still, Alexander was a great host, and carried the show and me and thinking back on the experience, I would do it again. Why? Because it is only through practice and reflection that we improve.
Sure, this time I came across as a babbling idiot but next time, perhaps just as an idiot, and then who knows. And to try and make up for it I wrote a rambling thread on X with some film recommendations. Ho-hum. Live and learn.
So, fellow writers, when you get the opportunity, even if you are nervous, or don’t feel you can do it, think of Danny Wallace and say “Yes man!”.
Now, don’t misundertand me the whole Silicon Valley and social media mindset of ‘Fake it till you make it ‘ is bullshit and you will be called on that. But rather simply take the opportunities that do genuinely come your way, and use them to learn and build your skillset or at the very least become comfortable with being uncomfortable (classic cliche).
The key takeaways here really are: Be genuine. Take the opportunities as they may not come back. Be OK with looking like an idiot. Reflect and learn. And most importantly keep writing, learning and improving.
Don’t let impostor syndrome stop you from new experiences and building your author brand.
And if you are interested in the years of lead, make sure you check out the Years of Lead podcast. It’s available on all the usual platforms.
